Changes are never easy.

I hate changes. Part of me fears changes. The unknown can be seriously scary. My life drastically changed, and it pretty much sucked.

One of the major side effects of taxotere is hair loss. I had long hair at the time of diagnosis and when I started treatments. Since my life was so far out of my control, I decided to control how and when I would lose my hair. On 10/10/14, I got my hair cut off. I donated my hair to Locks of Love and walked out of the salon with a pixie cut. I hated it. I didn’t want short hair. I loved my long hair. The worse part was that I knew it was only a matter of time before I had no hair.

That time came sooner rather than later. My hair was quickly falling out. I would lose clumps at a time in the shower. Trying to style it was a chore since half of it would come out whenever I touched it. And I didn’t dare mess with it during the day for fear of being left with a bald spot without realizing it.

On 10/17/14, I had a minor emotional break down in the shower after losing more hair than normal. I decided then to shave my head. Now, it may seem like I made this decision spur of the moment and during an emotional time, but I didn’t. I went through a grieving process and experienced each stage. I just did it in 20 minutes because I don’t have time for it. Besides,  I was losing my hair and shaving it would make showering easier.

The next day, several coworkers and I walked in the Making Strides breast cancer walk. A banner was even made in my honor (that banner still hangs on the wall in my office). I was honored. I was honored to have such amazing coworkers – no, strike that – amazing friends. After we completed the walk, we went out to eat and then I went to the salon. I walked in with a pixie cut and walked out with a GI Jane buzz. No one got to see though since this is the day I started wearing hats. A week later I was completely bald.

Losing my hair was the worse change, but it wasn’t the only one. I gained weight during chemo. Many believe chemo patients are these bald, thin, and sickly looking people. That stereotype might be true for some, but not for all. I mentioned previously having to take steroids. That blasted drug made me hungry 24/7. I gained 20lbs. With the weight gain, and my bald head, I looked like a female version of Fester Adams. Yeah, me! Did I mention I hate change?